Yesterday marked six months since my surgery. We knew early on that my pregnancy probably wasn't going to last, but after a roller coaster of a month, June 16th was the day that it was officially over. It's hard to believe that was six months ago. I remember it so vividly. Driving myself to the hospital. Sitting in the ER and watching shows like Duck Dynasty for 3 hours before being told I needed surgery. Waiting for my H and it feeling like an eternity before he got there. Being freezing in the pre-op/recovery area while waiting for an OR to become available. The nurse telling me to think happy thoughts while I was being put under the anesthesia. Waking up and crying (for the first time that day) when talking to the nurse about my healing time. It's all so fresh in my mind. It's a day I'll never forget, I'm sure.
My period will likely show up by the end of the week, and I'm pretty upset about it. By cycle 11 in April, I had lost hope of getting pregnant on my own. Then, I did. After the loss, I was hopeful that we'd be able to get pregnant again and that it would be normal. Now, 6 months later, I'm not so sure. I bought into the idea that you're more fertile 6 months after a loss (and 6 months after laparoscopic surgery). Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be the case for me. Why would it be? I wish the holidays made it easier to deal with these feelings, but it just makes it worse.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Date Day
Once again, TTC has started to take its toll on my H and me, so today we had a much needed date day. A local winery had a holiday open house, so when H saw the email, he said we should go.
They had free mulled wine, appetizers, hot cocoa, and a fire outside for making s'mores. It was pretty awesome! We did a wine tasting and munched on some appetizers, but then we realized we were pretty hungry, so we sat down in their café and had some flat bread pizzas for lunch. They were so yummy!
We both had a really great time and will definitely be going again next year.
Here's a picture I took from our lunch table:
So cozy!
They had free mulled wine, appetizers, hot cocoa, and a fire outside for making s'mores. It was pretty awesome! We did a wine tasting and munched on some appetizers, but then we realized we were pretty hungry, so we sat down in their café and had some flat bread pizzas for lunch. They were so yummy!
We both had a really great time and will definitely be going again next year.
Here's a picture I took from our lunch table:
So cozy!
Monday, November 11, 2013
I'm back
I started having computer issues last month, so I wasn't able to keep up with the Capture Your Grief project. I took a few more of the pictures, but then I gave up when I wasn't able to blog about them. My computer seems to be fixed now, so here I am.
There's not much to update about, but I'm on CD 18 of cycle 16 (5 ttcal). I'm pretty sure I ovulated two days ago, so I should get those CHs tomorrow. Here's my chart in case you're curious.
My Ovulation Chart
There's not much to update about, but I'm on CD 18 of cycle 16 (5 ttcal). I'm pretty sure I ovulated two days ago, so I should get those CHs tomorrow. Here's my chart in case you're curious.
My Ovulation Chart
After I get CHs, I'll probably stop temping for the rest of the cycle. I had a hard time remembering to temp at the beginning of this cycle and I think I need to give myself a break for at least a couple weeks.
FX this cycle is it for us so that I can stop temping permanently. Honestly, I'm not sure how much more of this whole process my H and I can take.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Day 14: Family
I have a wonderful extended family, but none of them know about our loss or how long we've been TTC, so when I think about my support system, I think of my husband. He's all I've got most days, and vice versa. Here's a picture we took of ourselves on a hike today.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Day 8: Color
I don't have a color that represents my baby. When I think about colors, though, I think about the beautiful changing leaves outside my window. I look at the leaves and they just make me happy. They also make me hopeful that by the time they're green again, I'll be expecting my rainbow.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Day 4: Legacy
Unfortunately, our baby wasn't with us long enough to really leave much of a legacy behind. One thing that will always remind me of him/her, though, is my scars. I've got three scars on my stomach from my laparoscopic surgery.
It's not a pretty picture, but any time I dress or undress, I think about my pregnancy. The scars are a reminder that I will have for the rest of my life.
It's not a pretty picture, but any time I dress or undress, I think about my pregnancy. The scars are a reminder that I will have for the rest of my life.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Day 2: Identity
I only knew that I was pregnant for about a month and we knew something was wrong pretty much the whole time. Because of that, we never gave our baby a name. He/she wasn't with us long enough for us to know who he/she was, so when I think of my baby's identity, I think about how I felt when I got my BFP. This is what I came up with when I sat down and thought about that day.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Day 1: Sunrise
This morning, the sunrise was officially at 6:41 in southeastern, MA, and this photo was taken around 7:00. It was a beautiful morning and a beautiful day.
Taking a photo of the sunrise was especially fitting for me today. Today is my 31st birthday. The last year was not a great year for me personally or professionally, and I won't remember my first year in my 30s fondly, but today, a new day dawned. I'm hopeful that this next year will be a good one and that the best is yet to come.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Capture Your Grief
Starting tomorrow, I'll be participating in the Capture Your Grief photography challenge for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's a 31 day challenge that lasts through October. I probably won't participate every day, but I'll try to do as many of them as I can. Part of me would really like to post the pictures to Facebook, but I'm just not comfortable with doing that. I just haven't opened up to that many people about our struggles to get pregnant or our loss, so I'm not comfortable putting my grief on display on Facebook.
I will, however, put it all out there on my blog and I'll be posting my pictures to a thread on The Bump too. I'm looking forward to participating, and I'm looking forward to seeing other people's pictures too.
If you'd like to read more about the Capture Your Grief challenge, you can read it here.
I will, however, put it all out there on my blog and I'll be posting my pictures to a thread on The Bump too. I'm looking forward to participating, and I'm looking forward to seeing other people's pictures too.
If you'd like to read more about the Capture Your Grief challenge, you can read it here.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
You still have hope?
Last night, my H and I were talking about a convention that he'll probably be attending in Chicago next September. We've both talked about wanting to go to Chicago for a while, so we were talking about how we could manage to turn it into a mini-vacation for us. At one point I said, "We'll have to see how much flights are and stuff when the time comes, and I guess there's also the possibility of us having a baby at that point too." H's response was, "I forgot about that. Do you still have hope that we're going to have a baby?" Um...yeah. I do. Why wouldn't I? I mean, it's discouraging that we're on cycle 14 and that we've had a loss, but if nothing else, the ectopic showed that I can get pregnant. His sperm got to that egg and fertilized it. That's good news. I'm confident that it will happen again and hopefully it'll be a successful pregnancy when it happens. I refuse to lose hope at this point.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Let's do this!
I'm on CD 8 of cycle 14 and I'm feeling pretty good. The H and I have had sexy time two days in a row and although it's most likely not my FW yet, it's making me feel optimistic. We had awful timing last cycle and I think my H is trying to make up for it now. My biggest worry is that he'll tire himself out before I ovulate 7-10ish days from now.
I'm in that place now where I start to think about potential EDDs and all of that. If I were to get KU this cycle, I'd be due around the first week of June. That would mean that I would only have to take a couple of weeks of maternity leave and then I'd have summer vacation. That would work out pretty well. It would also be fun because we'd probably be able to find out the sex just before Christmas which is something I've always thought would be pretty cool.
Overall, I'm just feeling pretty good. I was pretty pessimistic about this whole process after last cycle, but now I'm just motivated. We need to make this happen!
I'm in that place now where I start to think about potential EDDs and all of that. If I were to get KU this cycle, I'd be due around the first week of June. That would mean that I would only have to take a couple of weeks of maternity leave and then I'd have summer vacation. That would work out pretty well. It would also be fun because we'd probably be able to find out the sex just before Christmas which is something I've always thought would be pretty cool.
Overall, I'm just feeling pretty good. I was pretty pessimistic about this whole process after last cycle, but now I'm just motivated. We need to make this happen!
Friday, August 23, 2013
New Beginnings
On Monday, I'll officially begin my 8th year teaching. The beginning of the school year is always very exciting, but I'm particularly enthusiastic about this year. Last school year was rough. I had a co-teacher who didn't pull her weight and was difficult to work with, we had an extremely difficult group of students, and I was dealing with all of the ups and downs of TTC which of course resulted in dealing with the ectopic pregnancy for the last month of the school year. This year HAS to be better. It just has to be, and I'm hopeful it will be.
On Wednesday night we had an ice cream social to welcome the new 5th graders to the middle school. We had about 50 of our 100 students attend with their families, so it was a pretty good turn out. Everyone there seemed excited about the new year starting. You could feel the positivity in the room. It was pretty awesome. It made me even more optimistic that this is going to be a good year.
In case you're curious. Here are some pictures I took of my classroom yesterday. I'm in the basement, so I don't have any windows and it's hard to make it feel cheery, but I do my best with what I've got!
On Wednesday night we had an ice cream social to welcome the new 5th graders to the middle school. We had about 50 of our 100 students attend with their families, so it was a pretty good turn out. Everyone there seemed excited about the new year starting. You could feel the positivity in the room. It was pretty awesome. It made me even more optimistic that this is going to be a good year.
In case you're curious. Here are some pictures I took of my classroom yesterday. I'm in the basement, so I don't have any windows and it's hard to make it feel cheery, but I do my best with what I've got!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
It's almost that time!
The first day of school dreams have already started and I'm a ball of mixed emotions (nerves and excitement) as I think about meeting my new students two weeks from tomorrow. Professional development starts the 19th and then the kids start on the 26th. I've been thinking about writing a post about this, but then I read this post from another blog. Jennie from Enjoying the Journey has said it perfectly, so I'm going to share her post with you.
It’s almost here, fellow teachers.
Like it or not, we will wake up Monday morning much earlier than our summer sleep schedules are accustomed to, and we will walk back into the buildings we simultaneously love and fear. The newly waxed floors will look foreign without any tossed away papers and all used-up pencils, and the bare bulletin boards will mock us as we remember the cute ideas we saw on Pinterest.
We will make multiple trips from the car to our rooms, carrying bags filled with the magic we are convinced will make this year the best. We will stand surveying our rooms, hands on hips, as we envision a space that inspires and welcomes.
The plans will have to wait, though, as we sit through multiple meetings where we team-build and common-core learn and technology policy question… And don’t forget lunch-plans make, as this is the week – the only week – where we are allowed to leave for the sacred lunch.
Our non-teacher friends will roll eyes as we mention ‘heading back to work,’ and they will make snide comments about us having the whole summer off. We will roll eyes back as we mutter, “You just don’t get it.” And, bless their hearts, they don’t.
They don’t get that being a teacher – a good teacher – is like being a performer onstage for eight hours a day, five days a week who has also had to write the script, create the scenery, memorize each role, and research the backstory.
It means dealing with hecklers in the crowd whom security cannot remove and then being responsible for said hecklers mastering the nuances of the play she is performing. It means changing the script in the middle of the performance because audience members are nodding off, and doing so with zero funds because she spent her allocation stocking up on Kleenex and hand sanitizer.
It means not being able to go to the bathroom when she needs to, but racing to beat the other teachers before the tardy bell rings.
It means having her performance observed and critiqued by those who only see just a part, and receiving blame if the audience doesn’t rush to join her onstage.
It means so much more than any non-teacher can understand.
It means feeling like you have more children than you actually delivered, crying at their troubles and celebrating their victories. It means noticing the child who has no brand new supplies and no way of getting what the list requires.
It means sinking into your chair as the final bell rings, asking yourself if you can make it another day. It means arriving earlier the next morning to ensure that you can.
Being a teacher is hard. But it’s good.
Do me a favor, ok? If you’re not a teacher and you see one in the next few days wearing a look of panic – tell her thank you. Tell her thanks for cramming 365 days worth of knowledge into 180 (fewer if you count the interruptions and standardized tests). Say thank you for her being “on” every day when she steps in front of your child, leaving her own exhaustion, troubles, and worries at home. Let her know you appreciate the fact that she cannot just leave her work at work, but brings it (and thoughts of your child) home with her.
I guarantee she doesn’t hear ‘thanks’ nearly enough. You might even make her cry.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Upsetting day
Last week, my husband and I got our house appraised. The appraiser was very thorough and made sure to write down all of the improvements that we've made. We got the appraisal back today and unfortunately, none of the improvements have added any value to our house. I'm devastated. Our house appraised for $21k less than it did 4 years ago and about $40k less than we needed to be able to refinance and get rid of PMI. We're not upside down on our mortgage, but the appraisal is less than we bought it for and only about $10k more than we owe. The whole thing is crazy to me considering that we bought after the market crashed and have done a TON of improvements.
We've added all new windows and exterior doors, a new deck, a new furnace and a/c condenser (added the central air), a shed, new countertop, sink, and appliances in the kitchen, new carpets in the bedrooms, and a new vanity and toilet in the bathroom. Not only that, but with all of the painting and landscaping we've done, it's much prettier than it was 4 years ago. I can't believe we've lost value. I just can't. We're not looking to sell, so it's not the end of the world, but I'm just so upset that we've put our blood, sweat, and tears into this house and we've lost value.
My husband talked to the mortgage broker, but he hadn't seen the appraisal yet. He's going to "see what we can do," but there's no way we can lower our payments at this point.
We've added all new windows and exterior doors, a new deck, a new furnace and a/c condenser (added the central air), a shed, new countertop, sink, and appliances in the kitchen, new carpets in the bedrooms, and a new vanity and toilet in the bathroom. Not only that, but with all of the painting and landscaping we've done, it's much prettier than it was 4 years ago. I can't believe we've lost value. I just can't. We're not looking to sell, so it's not the end of the world, but I'm just so upset that we've put our blood, sweat, and tears into this house and we've lost value.
My husband talked to the mortgage broker, but he hadn't seen the appraisal yet. He's going to "see what we can do," but there's no way we can lower our payments at this point.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Time flies
I can't believe it's August already. In 18 days, I'll be back to work for a week of professional development and in 25 days, I'll be meeting 50 new 5th graders. I plan to do my best to enjoy the rest of my vacation, but I'm starting to feel ready for school to start again. Sort of.
The fact that it's August also means that we'll be officially back to TTC this month. Today is CD 3 and hopefully this cycle will be as normal as last cycle was. I'm very lucky that things got back to normal so quickly after my loss and I'm really hoping they stay that way. Here's hoping August is good to us!
Monday, July 29, 2013
No Motivation
I have no motivation to do anything today. I felt the same way yesterday too and I'm starting to feel like I'm in a funk. Today is member appreciation day at my gym, so all of the classes are free (my membership doesn't include group classes). I had planned on trying Zumba this morning at 8:30, but couldn't get myself out of the house in time. I've been up since 7:30, but all I've done for the last three hours is make myself coffee and sit on the couch. The longer I sit here, the less I want to do anything, and the worse I feel about being so lazy. I'm hoping that by typing this out, it'll give me the kick in the ass that I need to go to the gym and get to the store. I need to do grocery shopping today and I want to hit up the Staples $.01 sale to pick up some school supplies.
I need to get moving!
I need to get moving!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Back to normal?
Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs today for CD 17 which was last Thursday. That's right in my normal range for ovulation, so it seems like my cycles may not be as wacky post-loss as I thought they might be. That's good news! Our plan was to TTA this cycle, but I didn't get my usual fade-in with OPKs (they were almost positive every day for a week), so we just had sex when we felt like it and didn't really avoid. Once I did get a positive OPK, we didn't have sex for a few days, but we ended up with O-4 and O-2 for timing.
I don't know what I want to come from this cycle. Part of me is still very much in TTC mode and wants a BFP, but part of me is scared to death to get pregnant again so soon. Even though my doctor gave us the go-ahead, I'm still worried that my tube isn't completely healed. What if I ovulated from my left ovary and I have another ectopic in that same tube? That really scares me. I'm sure I'll start testing again in about a week, but I'm torn about what I want the results to be.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
One year ago
A year ago today, I was camping here:
It was beautiful and we had a lot of fun with the group we were with. I also happened to start my period while we were there and we officially began our first cycle TTC. It was something we'd been talking about for a while, but we kept waiting because of finances, and it wasn't a decision we made lightly. I was so excited to finally get started and began charting my BBT and using OPKs that cycle. I'd been bitten by the baby bug about a year earlier, so I wasn't messing around. I wanted to get knocked up ASAP!
At the time, I had two friends with newborns who had both gotten pregnant as soon as they stopped birth control. I used to joke that with my luck, I'd be the one who had trouble getting pregnant, but I don't think I really thought that'd be the case. I never expected that I'd still be childless (and not pregnant) a year later. I also never expected to experience an ectopic pregnancy or that I'd be diagnosed with endometriosis.
I guess all I can do is hope that I'll be holding (or carrying) my rainbow baby when I'm reminiscing at this time next year. A girl can dream, right?
It was beautiful and we had a lot of fun with the group we were with. I also happened to start my period while we were there and we officially began our first cycle TTC. It was something we'd been talking about for a while, but we kept waiting because of finances, and it wasn't a decision we made lightly. I was so excited to finally get started and began charting my BBT and using OPKs that cycle. I'd been bitten by the baby bug about a year earlier, so I wasn't messing around. I wanted to get knocked up ASAP!
At the time, I had two friends with newborns who had both gotten pregnant as soon as they stopped birth control. I used to joke that with my luck, I'd be the one who had trouble getting pregnant, but I don't think I really thought that'd be the case. I never expected that I'd still be childless (and not pregnant) a year later. I also never expected to experience an ectopic pregnancy or that I'd be diagnosed with endometriosis.
I guess all I can do is hope that I'll be holding (or carrying) my rainbow baby when I'm reminiscing at this time next year. A girl can dream, right?
Monday, July 8, 2013
Vacation
The H has been on vacation for the last week, so we've gone to several wineries and went down the Cape for a few days. Here are a few pictures of our adventures (notice how most involve alcohol...)
Amazing winery with a café in New Hampshire
Winery on Cape Cod that's housed in a 200 year old farm house.
Provincetown, MA
Cheers!
Amazing winery with a café in New Hampshire
Winery on Cape Cod that's housed in a 200 year old farm house.
Provincetown, MA
Cheers!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Post-Op
I had my post-op appointment with my obgyn yesterday. All he did was check my incisions and send me for blood work, which was pretty much what I was expecting. We talked about the endometriosis and he said that there were adhesions on my right ovary that was pulling it backwards. The doctor who performed the surgery removed it and that seemed to be the extent of it in her report, so hopefully it was all taken care of.
He also said that we can start ttc again after my next period. I mentioned that the doctor who did the surgery told me to wait 3 months and he didn't seem to think that was necessary. I don't know if we'll start again right away next cycle, though. What I'd really like to do is wait to have one *hopefully* normal cycle and then start trying the following cycle. Hopefully that will be in August. Overall, it was a good appointment.
I got more good news today when he called to say that my betas were 107. He told me that as long as they were under 200, we won't have to do any more bloodwork. Thank God because my arm is bruised and the phlebotomist yesterday commented on the scar tissue that's forming from all of the needles. As long as I get a period within the next 5 weeks or so, I shouldn't have to have any more blood drawn...for a while, at least.
He also said that we can start ttc again after my next period. I mentioned that the doctor who did the surgery told me to wait 3 months and he didn't seem to think that was necessary. I don't know if we'll start again right away next cycle, though. What I'd really like to do is wait to have one *hopefully* normal cycle and then start trying the following cycle. Hopefully that will be in August. Overall, it was a good appointment.
I got more good news today when he called to say that my betas were 107. He told me that as long as they were under 200, we won't have to do any more bloodwork. Thank God because my arm is bruised and the phlebotomist yesterday commented on the scar tissue that's forming from all of the needles. As long as I get a period within the next 5 weeks or so, I shouldn't have to have any more blood drawn...for a while, at least.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Ten Good Things
With all of the negative emotions I've been feeling lately, I decided to make a list 10 good things that are happening in my life right now.
1. I have an amazing husband who has really stepped up to the plate this week. He's taken great care of me, done the grocery shopping, cooked dinner, done laundry, etc. Normally I do most things around the house, but he's been awesome this week. I'm a lucky girl.
2. I'm on summer vacation, so I only had to take one day off from work after my surgery. I can't even describe how lucky I am that the timing of things worked out that way. I probably would've had to take this entire week off if we were still in school, so it's been great to be able to rest at home without worrying about that.
3. There hopefully wasn't any permanent damage done by the ectopic. I still have my ovary and fallopian tube, so that's good news and I'm thankful for that.
4. I have a beautiful deck that my husband and I worked very hard to build. It's perfect for morning coffee.
5. I got my new contract at work last week and I got about a 5% raise. It's going to be nice to have some extra money in my paychecks starting in August.
6. My husband will be on vacation with me for the first two weeks of July. We're planning some day/over night trips to places around New England. Right now we're planning on a trip to Provincetown (Cape Cod) and down to Mystic, CT. I'd also like to stop at one of the casinos while we're in CT. I'm also planning on trying to do lots of wine tastings over those two weeks at some new wineries as well as our old favorites.
7. I just recently found out that MA requires health insurance companies to offer coverage for fertility testing/treatments. Since I'll likely be headed down that road in the near future, it's nice to know that I won't have to pay for everything completely out of pocket.
8. I have great friends who have shown a lot of care and concern for me. One of them even Googled what kind of surgery I had when I texted to tell her I'd had the ectopic removed. I thought it was sweet that she cared so much about the procedure I'd had done.
9. Next Thursday, the 27th, is our 5th wedding anniversary and we'll be celebrating by going to a Red Sox game.
10. The weather has been beautiful. It's been warm with almost no humidity and it's the perfect weather to have the windows open. We haven't really even needed the a/c. Perfect end of spring/start of summer weather in New England.
1. I have an amazing husband who has really stepped up to the plate this week. He's taken great care of me, done the grocery shopping, cooked dinner, done laundry, etc. Normally I do most things around the house, but he's been awesome this week. I'm a lucky girl.
2. I'm on summer vacation, so I only had to take one day off from work after my surgery. I can't even describe how lucky I am that the timing of things worked out that way. I probably would've had to take this entire week off if we were still in school, so it's been great to be able to rest at home without worrying about that.
3. There hopefully wasn't any permanent damage done by the ectopic. I still have my ovary and fallopian tube, so that's good news and I'm thankful for that.
4. I have a beautiful deck that my husband and I worked very hard to build. It's perfect for morning coffee.
5. I got my new contract at work last week and I got about a 5% raise. It's going to be nice to have some extra money in my paychecks starting in August.
6. My husband will be on vacation with me for the first two weeks of July. We're planning some day/over night trips to places around New England. Right now we're planning on a trip to Provincetown (Cape Cod) and down to Mystic, CT. I'd also like to stop at one of the casinos while we're in CT. I'm also planning on trying to do lots of wine tastings over those two weeks at some new wineries as well as our old favorites.
7. I just recently found out that MA requires health insurance companies to offer coverage for fertility testing/treatments. Since I'll likely be headed down that road in the near future, it's nice to know that I won't have to pay for everything completely out of pocket.
8. I have great friends who have shown a lot of care and concern for me. One of them even Googled what kind of surgery I had when I texted to tell her I'd had the ectopic removed. I thought it was sweet that she cared so much about the procedure I'd had done.
9. Next Thursday, the 27th, is our 5th wedding anniversary and we'll be celebrating by going to a Red Sox game.
10. The weather has been beautiful. It's been warm with almost no humidity and it's the perfect weather to have the windows open. We haven't really even needed the a/c. Perfect end of spring/start of summer weather in New England.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Surgery
Most of the day Saturday, I was having a dull pain on my right side, so when I woke up Sunday morning and still had the pain, I decided to go to the ER rather than going to the lab to get my blood drawn again. While I was there, they drew more blood and did another ultrasound. My betas were 3600, so again, not doubling, and they found a mass near my left ovary. The on-call OB was called in and decided that she wanted to operate to remove the ectopic pregnancy.
The surgery lasted about an hour and a half and she was thankfully able to save my fallopian tube, which we weren't sure she would be able to. Overall, it went well, but she did discover that I have endometriosis which could be why it's taken me so long to get pregnant. I'll have a follow-up appointment next week with my doctor and we'll talk about the endo at that point.
We have to avoid getting pregnant for three months, which sucks, but I need to make sure I'm giving my body plenty of time to heal. At this point, I'm just ready to move on from the awful ride I've been on.
*Edited to fix spelling mistakes.*
The surgery lasted about an hour and a half and she was thankfully able to save my fallopian tube, which we weren't sure she would be able to. Overall, it went well, but she did discover that I have endometriosis which could be why it's taken me so long to get pregnant. I'll have a follow-up appointment next week with my doctor and we'll talk about the endo at that point.
We have to avoid getting pregnant for three months, which sucks, but I need to make sure I'm giving my body plenty of time to heal. At this point, I'm just ready to move on from the awful ride I've been on.
*Edited to fix spelling mistakes.*
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Latest Update
As of Monday, my betas had tripled (500 to 1500), so the doctor scheduled an ultrasound for Wednesday. During the ultrasound, they were unable to see anything in my uterus. The doctor is now concerned that it may be an ectopic pregnancy. I went for more bloodwork yesterday and will go again tomorrow to see what my betas are doing. If they're still rising normally, I'll have another ultrasound next week. If not, we'll treat it as an ectopic pregnancy.
I'm sad, confused, and just ready for this to be over. I know in my heart I don't have a healthy pregnancy at this point, so I just want to be able to move on.
I'm sad, confused, and just ready for this to be over. I know in my heart I don't have a healthy pregnancy at this point, so I just want to be able to move on.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Rollercoaster
I went to my doctor's appointment on Wednesday fully expecting to confirm that I had miscarried. I was sent for bloodwork to check my betas and when they called yesterday, I was told my hcg was 329.8. That's really low for being 6 weeks pregnant, so I figured that just confirmed the miscarriage. I went back again this morning for bloodwork to see if the betas were going up or down, and they went up. I'm now at 500. They didn't double in the 48 hours, but the numbers definitely went up more than we expected them to. The doctor basically told me that it's unlikely I have a viable pregnancy, but I'm going back for betas on Monday to see if the numbers are still going up.
The most upsetting part about this is the glimmer of hope I have that I didn't have before. I was convinced that I had miscarried and was ready to move on. Now, I'm in limbo with my betas going up, but knowing that the pregnancy will likely end in miscarriage at some point.
I hate this.
The most upsetting part about this is the glimmer of hope I have that I didn't have before. I was convinced that I had miscarried and was ready to move on. Now, I'm in limbo with my betas going up, but knowing that the pregnancy will likely end in miscarriage at some point.
I hate this.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Today is about me
I got up this morning and decided that I'm going to do whatever I want today. It's 90 degrees outside, so I went and laid out on my deck for a while earlier to just listen to music and enjoy the sun. Then, I went and got a much needed hair cut. Later, my H and I will be going out to dinner and then for a walk on a beach that I've been trying to drag him to for the 11 years we've been together. He's not a beach person, so I couldn't get him to agree to go with me during the day, but we'll go a little later when the sun isn't so hot. I can't wait.
Unfortunately, the hairdresser I saw today was trying to make small talk and asked if I have children. When I said no, she asked if I want any. I gave her my go-to response of, "Yeah, some day," but it was like a punch in the gut. Ugh.
Truthfully, I'm feeling better and better every day. The bleeding has stopped, I think, but I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests. I need to call the doctor on Monday to cancel my appointment for Friday and try to schedule something for earlier in the week so they can confirm the miscarriage. I'm really hoping they can get me in after work so that I don't have to take more time out of work. My coworkers were already concerned about me because I never take time off and then I left early one day (when I confirmed the pregnancy) and called out a few days later (when the bleeding started).
But...anyway....today is my day to relax and enjoy myself and it's been great so far.
Unfortunately, the hairdresser I saw today was trying to make small talk and asked if I have children. When I said no, she asked if I want any. I gave her my go-to response of, "Yeah, some day," but it was like a punch in the gut. Ugh.
Truthfully, I'm feeling better and better every day. The bleeding has stopped, I think, but I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests. I need to call the doctor on Monday to cancel my appointment for Friday and try to schedule something for earlier in the week so they can confirm the miscarriage. I'm really hoping they can get me in after work so that I don't have to take more time out of work. My coworkers were already concerned about me because I never take time off and then I left early one day (when I confirmed the pregnancy) and called out a few days later (when the bleeding started).
But...anyway....today is my day to relax and enjoy myself and it's been great so far.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
I guess I was right
I had a bad feeling about my pregnancy for several days and wasn't really able to get excited. Then, I woke up this morning with cramps and heavy bleeding. It's clear that I'm no longer pregnant. I'm devastated, but I'm not shocked. I kept hoping that this would be it for us, but never really felt confident. On to cycle 12, I guess...
Sunday, May 26, 2013
I'm a nervous wreck
Ever since my doctor's appointment on Friday, I'm a nervous wreck. I'm practically convinced now that I'm going to lose this pregnancy. I'm still getting positive hpts, but that's actually not making me feel any better because I know that hcg can stay in your system even if you've suffered a loss. I don't know if the doctor is going to do bloodwork again to run my betas and I don't know if the appointment I have scheduled for June 6th is going to include an ultrasound. I guess those are both questions I should call on Tuesday to ask.
I just wish I could be excited. I hate worrying like this and feeling like everything is out of my control.
I just wish I could be excited. I hate worrying like this and feeling like everything is out of my control.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Ok, so I am still pregnant...
The doctor called me around 6:00 tonight to tell me that I was right and I am pregnant. The blood test came back positive, so he said, "Maybe there was some dilution." Of course there was, you idiot. The fact that a medical professional honestly didn't think that drinking lots of water could affect a urine pregnancy test at just over 4 weeks along is absurd. I was happy to get the good news, but I'm still pissed at him.
Because he didn't treat my appointment today as my initial pregnancy orientation appointment, I have to go back next week to be taught how to give myself the Lovenox injections. We didn't talk about what I shouldn't be eating or make a first ultrasound appointment...nothing. He just assumed I wasn't pregnant, so now I have to take more time out of work to go back and talk about all of the things we didn't talk about in the 3 hours I was there today (yes, 3 hours). I have to keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant and that's something to celebrate because I'm just so annoyed with this freakin' doctor.
Because he didn't treat my appointment today as my initial pregnancy orientation appointment, I have to go back next week to be taught how to give myself the Lovenox injections. We didn't talk about what I shouldn't be eating or make a first ultrasound appointment...nothing. He just assumed I wasn't pregnant, so now I have to take more time out of work to go back and talk about all of the things we didn't talk about in the 3 hours I was there today (yes, 3 hours). I have to keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant and that's something to celebrate because I'm just so annoyed with this freakin' doctor.
Negative Urine Test
I went to the doctor's today and the urine pregnancy test they did was negative. I got a very clear positive on a FRER this morning, much darker than on Wed, so I asked the doctor if my urine could be too diluted (I drank about 1/2 a gallon of water already this morning and had peed several times at work). He said no. That annoyed me because I thought that's the exact reason why you're supposed to use FMU with hpts. Not only that, but I would only be 4w4d today, so it's super early. They sent me to do bloodwork and said that I should get the results today, but I called and won't get the results until Tuesday.
FWIW, I got another positive on a wondfo a few minutes ago. It was a faint line...probably because I've peed a million times today already...but positive nonetheless.
If I am still pregnant, I think I'm going to switch doctors. I was really upset by how dismissive he was with me today.
FWIW, I got another positive on a wondfo a few minutes ago. It was a faint line...probably because I've peed a million times today already...but positive nonetheless.
If I am still pregnant, I think I'm going to switch doctors. I was really upset by how dismissive he was with me today.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
BFP!!
I got a BFP today at 14dpo and I couldn't be more shocked!
Cycle: 11
Timing: -4, -3, -1, O
What we did: I was temping and using OPKs, and we tried to have as much sex as we could in my fertile window. This was definitely the best timing we've had recently.
Symptoms: Nothing really that can't be explained by my usual PMS. I had diarrhea the end of the last week/over the weekend, but that's gone now. I'm really crampy and thought for sure my period was going to show up last night. I was starving yesterday and even commented to H about how unbelievably hungry I had been all day, but I doubt that's pregnancy related at this point. It was just a kind of funny after-thought.
How I told H: I took the tests this morning and it killed me all day to keep it to myself! When H got home from work, I said, "Take a look at this picture I took today," and showed him a cell phone pic of the FRER from this morning. He was like, "There's a second line. What does that mean? Does that mean I can get excited?" It was really cute.
EDD: January 27, 2014
Here's my BFP chart.
Stick, baby, stick!
Cycle: 11
Timing: -4, -3, -1, O
What we did: I was temping and using OPKs, and we tried to have as much sex as we could in my fertile window. This was definitely the best timing we've had recently.
Symptoms: Nothing really that can't be explained by my usual PMS. I had diarrhea the end of the last week/over the weekend, but that's gone now. I'm really crampy and thought for sure my period was going to show up last night. I was starving yesterday and even commented to H about how unbelievably hungry I had been all day, but I doubt that's pregnancy related at this point. It was just a kind of funny after-thought.
How I told H: I took the tests this morning and it killed me all day to keep it to myself! When H got home from work, I said, "Take a look at this picture I took today," and showed him a cell phone pic of the FRER from this morning. He was like, "There's a second line. What does that mean? Does that mean I can get excited?" It was really cute.
EDD: January 27, 2014
Here's my BFP chart.
Stick, baby, stick!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mothers' Day
I've hated Mothers' Day for almost as long as I can remember. I lost my mom when I was 14 and so, understandably, Mothers' Day has been really hard since then. I always got my aunts and grandmother cards/gifts, and when my dad was married, I would buy things for my stepmom too, but it was always a really hard day.
Now that I'm older, it seems to be even more difficult. I've lost both my grandmothers, my aunts all have their kids and grandkids to celebrate with, I don't have a stepmom anymore (thank God), and my MIL lives out of state...not that I'd really want to celebrate with her anyway. Not only that, but being 30 years old and married, people have gotten kind of awkward with me when it comes to Mothers' Day. It's like I'm supposed to have kids and they don't know what to say to me. One of my coworkers was coming around on Friday wishing a happy Mothers' Day to the moms on my floor and when she came to my classroom, she was like, "Happy Mothers' Day. Um, I mean, happy Women's Day! It's a day to celebrate all women." I know she meant well, but it was weird.
On top of all of that this year, I haven't gotten pregnant yet. If I had gotten KU on the first try, I'd have a one month old right now. My journey hasn't been as long as many other ladies, I know, but we're getting closer to that one year mark and the reality of probably needing medical intervention is setting in. That just makes this Mothers' Day that much harder. I don't have any moms to celebrate with and I have no idea when/if I'll become a mom myself. I guess I can still hope that I'll have a little one next year?
Now that I'm older, it seems to be even more difficult. I've lost both my grandmothers, my aunts all have their kids and grandkids to celebrate with, I don't have a stepmom anymore (thank God), and my MIL lives out of state...not that I'd really want to celebrate with her anyway. Not only that, but being 30 years old and married, people have gotten kind of awkward with me when it comes to Mothers' Day. It's like I'm supposed to have kids and they don't know what to say to me. One of my coworkers was coming around on Friday wishing a happy Mothers' Day to the moms on my floor and when she came to my classroom, she was like, "Happy Mothers' Day. Um, I mean, happy Women's Day! It's a day to celebrate all women." I know she meant well, but it was weird.
On top of all of that this year, I haven't gotten pregnant yet. If I had gotten KU on the first try, I'd have a one month old right now. My journey hasn't been as long as many other ladies, I know, but we're getting closer to that one year mark and the reality of probably needing medical intervention is setting in. That just makes this Mothers' Day that much harder. I don't have any moms to celebrate with and I have no idea when/if I'll become a mom myself. I guess I can still hope that I'll have a little one next year?
Monday, April 22, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Another day to remember
Yesterday will come to be another date that our country will memorialize year after year. Patriots Day and Marathon Monday in Massachusetts will never be the same again. Similar to 9/11, it'll be a day when many of us, especially those of us in and around Boston, will remember where we were when we heard the news. I was outside staining my deck and had sports talk radio on because the Red Sox game had just ended. When they started to provide information about what was happening at the marathon finish line, I started to feel sick. Derek was in Boston at work. Luckily, his office isn't near the Copley/Kenmore area, but I was still worried about him being stuck in the city and not being able to get home. I called him and he hadn't heard anything about it yet, so he got off the phone to tell his coworkers so they could start to try to contact their coworkers who were runners and spectators. Then, we tried to call each other a few more times, but his cell service wasn't working well. That started to scare me because it was so reminiscent of 9/11. This event was not the same as the attacks on NYC and the Pentagon, but on a day like that, it's hard not to let your mind go in that direction. Derek finally left work at about 4:30 (1.5 hours after it all happened) and got home relatively quickly.
Once he was home, all we could talk about was how we were there near the finish line on Patriots Day last year. We went to to the Sox game and then lingered around to watch the runners for a while. There were so many people there, I can't imagine the chaos in that area yesterday. We also talked about the rolling rallys our teams have when they win championships. We went to the Bruins' parade in 2011 and they said that over a million people came into Boston that day. It seems to me that an event like that could just as easily be a target for an attack, and that's something that never crossed my mind before. I hate that this person/people have succeeded in causing the fear they were intending to cause. I hate that this is another day we need to remember and that it'll change some of the most special events in Boston.
Once he was home, all we could talk about was how we were there near the finish line on Patriots Day last year. We went to to the Sox game and then lingered around to watch the runners for a while. There were so many people there, I can't imagine the chaos in that area yesterday. We also talked about the rolling rallys our teams have when they win championships. We went to the Bruins' parade in 2011 and they said that over a million people came into Boston that day. It seems to me that an event like that could just as easily be a target for an attack, and that's something that never crossed my mind before. I hate that this person/people have succeeded in causing the fear they were intending to cause. I hate that this is another day we need to remember and that it'll change some of the most special events in Boston.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Jealousy sucks
I just found out that one of my friends is pregnant and due at the end of October. It's the third pregnancy announcement of a close friend since we've been TTC and it just gets harder to hear. She went off BCPs in December and she's now 9 weeks along, so she got KU on her second or third cycle off birth control. I'm having a hard time even being excited for her because I'm so jealous and that sucks. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. Hopefully I'm able to get past this quickly so that I can be ready to congratulate her and hear all about her pregnancy the next time I see her, but I'm feeling pretty down tonight.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Double Digits
With my period starting yesterday, we're now on our 10th cycle TTC. I honestly never thought it would take this long. Who does, though? Being in the double digits is a little depressing, but we'll just keep doing what we're doing. I have no intention of talking to the doctor until my annual appointment in September, so I still feel like we've got a lot of time until we get to that point.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Sixteen Years
Sixteen years ago today was the worst day of my life, to date. My mom passed away on March 15, 1997. She suffered a stroke on March 8th and never regained consciousness. She spent the week in the hospital, and passed away on the 15th. It was all completely unexpected and my world was turned upside down.
It's crazy to me that it's been as long as it has. I mean, it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, it doesn't seem possible that it's been 16 years. I only had her in my life for 14.5 years and every year now I'm reminded that she's been gone longer than I had her with me. It doesn't seem fair, but of course, life's not always fair. I just play the hand I'm dealt and keep living my life as best I can.
It's crazy to me that it's been as long as it has. I mean, it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, it doesn't seem possible that it's been 16 years. I only had her in my life for 14.5 years and every year now I'm reminded that she's been gone longer than I had her with me. It doesn't seem fair, but of course, life's not always fair. I just play the hand I'm dealt and keep living my life as best I can.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Getting my head on straight
My husband brought to my attention the other night that I had become beyond obsessed with ttc. I don't think I realized how obsessed I actually was until we got into an argument about it on Sunday. My goal this week (and going forward) has been to take a few steps back.
My H and I started going back to the gym again this week after about a month of being lazy, so I'm feeling really good about that. We've actually been meeting there after work and even went after dinner last night which is unheard of for us. Usually we go before work, but it's been nice going together when we're not under the time constraints that we are in the morning. It's also been nice to get out of the house in the evening and shake up our usual routine.
I also took an internet break from Mon-Wed. I'm sitting home alone tonight, so I figured I'd hop on here and write this post, but I'm limiting my internet time and will probably be avoiding The Bump for a while. I need to focus my attention on other things and enjoy my day to day life without constantly thinking about babies and trying to have one.
I have such a great life and an amazing husband, and I need to make sure I'm appreciating everything that I have.
My H and I started going back to the gym again this week after about a month of being lazy, so I'm feeling really good about that. We've actually been meeting there after work and even went after dinner last night which is unheard of for us. Usually we go before work, but it's been nice going together when we're not under the time constraints that we are in the morning. It's also been nice to get out of the house in the evening and shake up our usual routine.
I also took an internet break from Mon-Wed. I'm sitting home alone tonight, so I figured I'd hop on here and write this post, but I'm limiting my internet time and will probably be avoiding The Bump for a while. I need to focus my attention on other things and enjoy my day to day life without constantly thinking about babies and trying to have one.
I have such a great life and an amazing husband, and I need to make sure I'm appreciating everything that I have.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
"Drink some wine 'til we get drunk"
Monday, February 25, 2013
Last chance for 2013
Well, today is CD 1 of cycle 9 and it'll be our last chance for a 2013 due date. If I get KU this cycle, the EDD would be the first week of December, so if it doesn't work out, we likely won't have a baby in 2013. It makes me sad because I thought for sure we'd have a baby during the holidays this year, but now Thanksgiving is out and who knows if we'll have a baby by Christmas?
I know that we've been trying for less than a year and way less than a lot of people, but this cycle is hitting my hard. I think part of the problem is that I woke up at 3am with some serious cramps and hardly fell back to sleep after that. I need to get a good night's sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow in a better mood.
I know that we've been trying for less than a year and way less than a lot of people, but this cycle is hitting my hard. I think part of the problem is that I woke up at 3am with some serious cramps and hardly fell back to sleep after that. I need to get a good night's sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow in a better mood.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
It's going to be worth it.
I saw this on Pinterest today and it really stood out to me. Of course, I related it to ttc. Clearly, this process isn't going to be easy for me (I'm pretty sure cycle 9 will be starting today or tomorrow), but I know it'll all be worth it in the end. I may need to get myself a sign like this to put in my house somewhere as a reminder.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Feeling accomplished
Being a teacher, I get a few vacations a year. It's nice to have time off (Lord knows I need it!), but I tend to get really bored sitting at home by myself for several days in a row. I always try to come up with some kind of project to do during my time off because otherwise, I end up just going out and spending money. This week, I decided I'd give my whole house a deep cleaning and do some reorganizing.
Yesterday, I cleaned my whole kitchen and dining room top to bottom. I washed cabinets, floors, trim, walls, curtains, etc. Today, I cleaned my whole living room, hallway, and entryway (again, floors, walls, trim, etc). I also fixed the shelves in my lazy susan so I could reorganize my kitchen cabinets. I still have to tackle the bathroom and bedrooms, but I feel like I've gotten so much accomplished over the last two days!
It's been nice to keep myself busy because the 2WW can be tough if you've got too much time on your hands to sit and think. I'm on CD27, 9DPO today. My temp jumped this morning, higher than it typically is at 9DPO, so I took a HPT. It was negative, of course, but I'll probably test again tomorrow if my temp stays up. I'm trying not to get excited because one high temp doesn't mean anything, but it's hard. I guess we'll see how things go over the next few days. If I'm not KU, my period should show up in 3-4 days or so.
Yesterday, I cleaned my whole kitchen and dining room top to bottom. I washed cabinets, floors, trim, walls, curtains, etc. Today, I cleaned my whole living room, hallway, and entryway (again, floors, walls, trim, etc). I also fixed the shelves in my lazy susan so I could reorganize my kitchen cabinets. I still have to tackle the bathroom and bedrooms, but I feel like I've gotten so much accomplished over the last two days!
It's been nice to keep myself busy because the 2WW can be tough if you've got too much time on your hands to sit and think. I'm on CD27, 9DPO today. My temp jumped this morning, higher than it typically is at 9DPO, so I took a HPT. It was negative, of course, but I'll probably test again tomorrow if my temp stays up. I'm trying not to get excited because one high temp doesn't mean anything, but it's hard. I guess we'll see how things go over the next few days. If I'm not KU, my period should show up in 3-4 days or so.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
"Here, hold the baby for luck."
Today, I went to the Baptism of my friend's son. She must've told her mother that my H and I have been trying for a baby because at one point, her mother handed the baby to me and said I should hold him for luck. Then, later on in the day, she said (talking to the baby), "We're going to pray that Beth has a little boy or little girl soon." I've known my friend's mom for about 15 years or so and I love her dearly, but it just bugged me when she made the comments. I know she means well and in all likelihood, she probably is actually praying for me, but I guess I just don't need the reminders that I'm not pregnant yet.
Anyway, it's CD 24, 6 DPO if Fertility Friend is right about my O date (I actually think I might've ovulated the next day). We had decent timing, as usual, so it's just a waiting game at this point. My H's birthday is Tuesday, so getting a BFP this week would be pretty cool. I'm not getting my hopes up because I'm fully aware that I'll probably get my period next weekend, but my fingers are crossed anyway.
Anyway, it's CD 24, 6 DPO if Fertility Friend is right about my O date (I actually think I might've ovulated the next day). We had decent timing, as usual, so it's just a waiting game at this point. My H's birthday is Tuesday, so getting a BFP this week would be pretty cool. I'm not getting my hopes up because I'm fully aware that I'll probably get my period next weekend, but my fingers are crossed anyway.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
This is why I hate waiting to O
Some people stress in the two week wait because they're waiting to test, but for me, waiting to ovulate is so much worse. I hate trying to time sex perfectly. I got positive OPKs on CD17 and CD18, so I thought that CD18 (yesterday) would be my O day. H was tired from all of the sex we'd had leading up to yesterday, so we didn't bother. I was bummed, but I figured we'd end up with O-4, O-2, and O-1 as timing. This morning, my temperature didn't spike, though, so I think today might actually be my O day. Now I'm already worried that H isn't going to want to have sex again tonight and that will likely leave us with less than perfect timing.
I know that in the end, we can only do the best that we can do, but I hate this part of my cycle.
I know that in the end, we can only do the best that we can do, but I hate this part of my cycle.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Snowed in
We ended up with close to 2ft of snow and I'm ridiculously sore from shoveling. It took us 2.5 hours to shovel yesterday, and then we needed to shovel the end of our driveway again today because the plows went by last night. We haven't even touched our mailbox yet. I don't need mail that badly.
We went out to the store today to get some more food and stuff and even the main roads are still a mess. Normally the snow is removed pretty quickly after a storm, but I guess this one was harder to keep up with. The shelves in the grocery store were really bare too. I think partially because of people buying everything before the storm, but also because of the perishable food that needed to be thrown out after they lost power.
We were lucky that we only lost power for about 10 hours over night Friday-Saturday, and have been able to enjoy being snowed it since then. We were especially lucky because I got my +OPK today, so I'll likely be ovulating today or tomorrow. Being snowed in definitely helped us to have good timing!
We went out to the store today to get some more food and stuff and even the main roads are still a mess. Normally the snow is removed pretty quickly after a storm, but I guess this one was harder to keep up with. The shelves in the grocery store were really bare too. I think partially because of people buying everything before the storm, but also because of the perishable food that needed to be thrown out after they lost power.
We were lucky that we only lost power for about 10 hours over night Friday-Saturday, and have been able to enjoy being snowed it since then. We were especially lucky because I got my +OPK today, so I'll likely be ovulating today or tomorrow. Being snowed in definitely helped us to have good timing!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Nemo!
My husband and I are both home from work today because of the impending blizzard, Nemo. Am I the only one that thinks it's ridiculous that winter storms are given names now? And Nemo? Really? At least it makes for some corny "Finding Nemo" jokes.
The best part about being home and preparing to be snowed in is that it's *hopefully* my fertile window. I haven't gotten a positive OPK yet, but it's CD 15 and the latest I've ovulated since ttc is CD 18. So, fingers crossed. Hopefully this blizzard will result in a November baby for us!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Hump Day
Yeah, that seems about right.
50 second plank done today and onto 1 minute tomorrow. Getting to 3 minutes by the end of the month still seems almost impossible.
As for ttc-related stuff, it's CD 13 and no positive OPK yet. It's still early, so it could be a while before I ovulate, but we're making sure to get started with the sexy time. Hopefully we don't tire ourselves out before I ovulate.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
February Plank Challenge
Thanks to some internet friends, I've been inspired to participate in the February plank challenge. Day two is in the books, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm curious to see how much better I get at doing them by the end of the month.
*From Rhoads to Fitness.
Here's the FB event page: http://www.facebook.com/events/263583867103035/
*From Rhoads to Fitness.
Here's the FB event page: http://www.facebook.com/events/263583867103035/
Saturday, January 26, 2013
I'm a wino.
Over the last couple of years, I've progressively become more and more of a wino. I love going to different wineries and doing tastings, so my taste in wine has expanded from just drinking moscato (which is way too sweet for me now) to drinking a lot more reds than whites.
Anyway, I bought a new bottle of red today to try and it might be my new favorite. It's a red blend and best of all, it was only $8.
Yum!
Anyway, I bought a new bottle of red today to try and it might be my new favorite. It's a red blend and best of all, it was only $8.
Friday, January 25, 2013
On to cycle 8...
I woke up this morning to CD27/12DPO, but my temperature was pretty low, so I knew my period was going to start in the very near future. Sure enough, about an hour into my work day, it showed up. Another 26 day cycle? I guess shorter cycles are probably much less frustrating than longer ones, but it sucks when you're surprised by your period earlier than expected. I am glad I got the heads-up with the low temp this morning, though. Otherwise it would've totally caught me off-guard at work.
So, now that it's CD 1, it looks like the H and I will be ordering pizza tonight and drinking some wine.
Cheers!
So, now that it's CD 1, it looks like the H and I will be ordering pizza tonight and drinking some wine.
Cheers!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Random thoughts...
1. TTC can make the most logical person become a loon in the two week wait.
Today, I was at a friend's house and she's got two dogs. One is super excitable and always jumps all over me, the other usually sniffs me and then goes to lay down. Today, the one who usually hardly pays attention to visitors was all over me. Then, when the other dog was trying to jump on me, she started to growl at him and the two of them started to "fight." My friend was like, "Ok, she's having a weird reaction to you today." My first thought was, "Maybe I'm pregnant and she can sense it." Then I came to my senses and wanted to punch myself for even letting my thoughts wander in that direction.
2. Fertility Friend's referral program rocks!
I've used Fertility Friend since July and have had the VIP version pretty much the whole time, for free. I got my first 30 days of VIP free when I signed up and I've gotten 5 days here and 5 days there on a pretty consistent basis since then because of people signing up using my ticker. I've also had people sign up for a VIP membership using my ticker twice (including today), so that's given me 30 days of VIP free each time! The complementary version isn't terrible, but getting VIP for free is pretty cool.
3. 2-4" of snow isn't a major storm.
We're expecting some snow tonight and from what I was hearing, you'd think we were getting a major blizzard. All of the predictions I've seen are saying 2-4" which is nothing. I've had four people ask me if I think school will be cancelled. Um, no, I don't. Not unless we get more snow than expected.
Today, I was at a friend's house and she's got two dogs. One is super excitable and always jumps all over me, the other usually sniffs me and then goes to lay down. Today, the one who usually hardly pays attention to visitors was all over me. Then, when the other dog was trying to jump on me, she started to growl at him and the two of them started to "fight." My friend was like, "Ok, she's having a weird reaction to you today." My first thought was, "Maybe I'm pregnant and she can sense it." Then I came to my senses and wanted to punch myself for even letting my thoughts wander in that direction.
2. Fertility Friend's referral program rocks!
I've used Fertility Friend since July and have had the VIP version pretty much the whole time, for free. I got my first 30 days of VIP free when I signed up and I've gotten 5 days here and 5 days there on a pretty consistent basis since then because of people signing up using my ticker. I've also had people sign up for a VIP membership using my ticker twice (including today), so that's given me 30 days of VIP free each time! The complementary version isn't terrible, but getting VIP for free is pretty cool.
3. 2-4" of snow isn't a major storm.
We're expecting some snow tonight and from what I was hearing, you'd think we were getting a major blizzard. All of the predictions I've seen are saying 2-4" which is nothing. I've had four people ask me if I think school will be cancelled. Um, no, I don't. Not unless we get more snow than expected.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Nothing like a baby...
There's nothing like a crawling baby to show you just how dirty your house is. My friend came by this morning with her adorable 10 month old son and I thought I had cleaned really well ahead of time, but those hidden cat hair tumble weeds that I missed while vacuuming? Yep, he found those. My goodness, his pants were so dusty after crawling around that you would've never known I just swept and vacuumed this morning. Apparently, my idea of a clean house is not clean enough to have a baby crawling around. So embarrassing.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Mixed Emotions
A good friend/coworker of mine is pregnant. She found out the sex on Monday (it's a boy!) and today was showing me her sonogram pictures. I am so beyond excited for her and loved looking at the pictures, but walked away feeling a little sad too. It's not jealousy, I don't think, it's just that I have no idea when I'll get to be in her shoes. Seven months of trying to get pregnant is nothing compared to what some people go through, but there's no end in sight. I have to remind myself sometimes that this very well could be the month because I'm to the point where I pretty much just assume my period will show up on time since that's what's been happening since July.
I'm so happy for my friend and love to see everything working out for her just as she planned, but every once in a while, talking about her pregnancy reminds me that no matter what I try, I'm still not pregnant.
Anyway, I guess the good news is that I'm 3dpo and we had pretty decent timing this cycle (O-3, O-1, O). Fingers crossed.
I'm so happy for my friend and love to see everything working out for her just as she planned, but every once in a while, talking about her pregnancy reminds me that no matter what I try, I'm still not pregnant.
Anyway, I guess the good news is that I'm 3dpo and we had pretty decent timing this cycle (O-3, O-1, O). Fingers crossed.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Sick
I woke up yesterday with a scratchy throat that progressively got worse throughout the day. This morning, I woke up feeling like crap, and now my throat is killing me. I'm really hoping this isn't the beginning of the flu that is apparently spreading rapidly around MA. Not only do I NOT want the flu, it's also really terrible timing. I'll likely ovulate in the next day or two and I don't want being sick to ruin our timing for this cycle. Blah.
Monday, January 7, 2013
They really are everywhere.
I've heard that when you're ttc, you see pregnant people everywhere, but I don't think it's just me noticing. They really are everywhere.
My best friend had a baby a month ago, my cousin had a baby a week ago, three of my coworkers are pregnant (due in March, April, and June), and I just found out today that a former coworker of mine is pregnant. The last time I saw this girl was in August before school started. I had been ttc for a month and she was starting to think about possibly trying in the fall. She's due at the end of May, so she got pregnant about two months after we had that conversation.
I know that no one else's fertility has anything to do with mine, but it still sucks to have pregnancy announcements everywhere I turn.
My best friend had a baby a month ago, my cousin had a baby a week ago, three of my coworkers are pregnant (due in March, April, and June), and I just found out today that a former coworker of mine is pregnant. The last time I saw this girl was in August before school started. I had been ttc for a month and she was starting to think about possibly trying in the fall. She's due at the end of May, so she got pregnant about two months after we had that conversation.
I know that no one else's fertility has anything to do with mine, but it still sucks to have pregnancy announcements everywhere I turn.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Here I am
I decided today that starting a blog might be a good idea. My husband and I are on our 7th cycle trying to get pregnant and sometimes I feel like I need a place to vent my frustrations with the process, so here I am…
My husband and I are both 30 years old and we’ve been married for 4.5 years. When we first got married, we were 26 years old and had no desire to start trying for a baby yet. After a couple of years, we started to feel emotionally ready to have a baby, but the financial aspect scared the crap out of us. Kids are expensive! The biggest worry was the cost of daycare. We looked at our budget and just couldn’t figure out where we’d get $1,000-1,500 a month to pay for it. I started to worry that we’d never feel financially secure enough to start trying to get pregnant.
Then, at the beginning of July 2012, everything fell into place. My husband got a significant raise and the school where I work approved an on-site daycare for staff that would have very competitive prices. At that point, the conversation with my husband went like this:
Me: You know what your raise will pay for?
Him: What?
Me: Daycare!
Him: I guess we don't have any excuses anymore.
I was just about to begin my next cycle, so I stopped birth control at that point and we began this journey. I didn’t expect to still be trying to get pregnant six months later, but here I am.
My husband and I are both 30 years old and we’ve been married for 4.5 years. When we first got married, we were 26 years old and had no desire to start trying for a baby yet. After a couple of years, we started to feel emotionally ready to have a baby, but the financial aspect scared the crap out of us. Kids are expensive! The biggest worry was the cost of daycare. We looked at our budget and just couldn’t figure out where we’d get $1,000-1,500 a month to pay for it. I started to worry that we’d never feel financially secure enough to start trying to get pregnant.
Then, at the beginning of July 2012, everything fell into place. My husband got a significant raise and the school where I work approved an on-site daycare for staff that would have very competitive prices. At that point, the conversation with my husband went like this:
Me: You know what your raise will pay for?
Him: What?
Me: Daycare!
Him: I guess we don't have any excuses anymore.
I was just about to begin my next cycle, so I stopped birth control at that point and we began this journey. I didn’t expect to still be trying to get pregnant six months later, but here I am.
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