No Motivation

I have no motivation to do anything today. I felt the same way yesterday too and I'm starting to feel like I'm in a funk. Today is member appreciation day at my gym, so all of the classes are free (my membership doesn't include group classes). I had planned on trying Zumba this morning at 8:30, but couldn't get myself out of the house in time. I've been up since 7:30, but all I've done for the last three hours is make myself coffee and sit on the couch. The longer I sit here, the less I want to do anything, and the worse I feel about being so lazy. I'm hoping that by typing this out, it'll give me the kick in the ass that I need to go to the gym and get to the store. I need to do grocery shopping today and I want to hit up the Staples $.01 sale to pick up some school supplies.
I need to get moving!

Back to normal?

Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs today for CD 17 which was last Thursday. That's right in my normal range for ovulation, so it seems like my cycles may not be as wacky post-loss as I thought they might be. That's good news! Our plan was to TTA this cycle, but I didn't get my usual fade-in with OPKs (they were almost positive every day for a week), so we just had sex when we felt like it and didn't really avoid. Once I did get a  positive OPK, we didn't have sex for a few days, but we ended up with O-4 and O-2 for timing.

I don't know what I want to come from this cycle. Part of me is still very much in TTC mode and wants a BFP, but part of me is scared to death to get pregnant again so soon. Even though my doctor gave us the go-ahead, I'm still worried that my tube isn't completely healed. What if I ovulated from my left ovary and I have another ectopic in that same tube? That really scares me. I'm sure I'll start testing again in about a week, but I'm torn about what I want the results to be.

 

One year ago

A year ago today, I was camping here:

It was beautiful and we had a lot of fun with the group we were with. I also happened to start my period while we were there and we officially began our first cycle TTC. It was something we'd been talking about for a while, but we kept waiting because of finances, and it wasn't a decision we made lightly. I was so excited to finally get started and began charting my BBT and using OPKs that cycle. I'd been bitten by the baby bug about a year earlier, so I wasn't messing around. I wanted to get knocked up ASAP!

At the time, I had two friends with newborns who had both gotten pregnant as soon as they stopped birth control. I used to joke that with my luck, I'd be the one who had trouble getting pregnant, but I don't think I really thought that'd be the case. I never expected that I'd still be childless (and not pregnant) a year later. I also never expected to experience an ectopic pregnancy or that I'd be diagnosed with endometriosis.

I guess all I can do is hope that I'll be holding (or carrying) my rainbow baby when I'm reminiscing at this time next year. A girl can dream, right?

Vacation

The H has been on vacation for the last week, so we've gone to several wineries and went down the Cape for a few days. Here are a few pictures of our adventures (notice how most involve alcohol...)

Amazing winery with a café in New Hampshire

Winery on Cape Cod that's housed in a 200 year old farm house.

Provincetown, MA




Cheers!