This time last year

At this time last year, I was leaving the hospital after my laparoscopic surgery. Every time I've looked at the clock today, I've thought, "This time last year I was....." I also spent probably 3 full minutes looking at my scars this morning and thinking, "How has it been a year since I got these?" And, really, how has it been a year? It doesn't feel like it's been that long since I was pregnant.


 I hate anniversaries like this. I just want it to be tomorrow already.

Time sure does fly.

A year ago today I got my first BFP. Part of me wants to go back and read the excited blog post I wrote that day, but I know that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Going through old emails at work they other day from last May/June made me sick to my stomach. It's probably best to avoid anything I wrote during that time.


 How has it be a year already? That seems crazy to me. I'm dragging my feet about contacting a RE, but I need to do that soon. I have no more excuses not to call. It's been just about a year since my loss and almost two years of TTC. It's time to step up our game.


On a positive note, life has been pretty good lately.  The weather has been beautiful, so I've been spending a lot of time outside, and the H and I went on our first hike of the season last weekend. We'll probably start going on bike rides again soon too. We had so much fun doing that last summer.


I've also started to get into running. I don't run. I mean, I didn't run. I've been an avid gym-goer at different points, but I usually just use the elliptical. I've started running on the treadmill and outside over the last few weeks, and I've been impressed with how quickly I've been able to make progress. Yesterday I ran 2.75 mi. outside in 31 minutes, and today I ran 3 miles on the treadmill in 32 minutes. Not too shabby! I told myself I'd run a 5k when I could do it in less than 35 minutes, and I'm pretty much there already. I didn't think it'd happen so fast!

Today Sucks

I woke up with cramping and a little spotting this morning. I also tested (before I noticed the spotting) and got a BFN. Mother's Day sucks as it is since I've lost both of my grandmothers and my mother, but this year is even harder. I've been TTC for almost 2 years. I should have a 3 1/2 month old, and I should be celebrating my first Mother's Day. Instead, I'm sitting here waiting for my period to show up and avoiding FB because I feel like it won't take much to make me cry today.

On the bright side, today is supposed to be a beautiful, sunny, 80 degree day. I plan to spend the day outside working in my yard. My lawn needs to be mowed, and my flower beds need to be cared for since I haven't touched them since the fall. I'm hoping that enjoying the beautiful weather and making my yard look pretty will help to make me appreciate all of the good things in my life because I'm having a hard time seeing the good right now.

Hey, hey

This has been a bit of a weird cycle for me. It's the first cycle I haven't temped since we started TTC. I decided to take a temping break since we were going to be in Key West from CD 10-14, and with drinking and inconsistent sleep, my temps wouldn't be accurate. I figured those days would be essential in pinpointing O, so I decided not to temp at all this cycle. It's been nice not worrying about it, but now I wish I had the temps to confirm O. I used OPKs, and based on those and other symptoms, I think I ovulated on CD 18 which puts me at 3dpo, but I hate not knowing for sure.

I started thinking today about when I'll probably start testing and realized that it'll be next weekend. Mothers' Day weekend. At the very least, I hope I have a decently long LP this cycle so that my period doesn't decide to show up on Mothers' Day. That would just be cruel. That said, I can't help but think that a BFP on Mothers' Day would be pretty awesome.

No 2014 baby for me

When we started TTC almost 2 years ago, I thought we'd have a 2013 baby. Then that didn't happen, so I had hope for a 2014 baby. I should've had a 2014 baby, but that didn't work out either. Today is CD 1 of cycle 22 (11 since my loss), and now the earliest we could possible have a baby is January 2015.

What a mind f*ck.

I ovulated on either CD 19 or 20 this cycle, so today, I'm either 12 or 13 dpo. Based on the cramps I've been having, I expected to wake up with my period this morning. Instead, I woke up to a temp rise. I jumped out of bed to test, and then I waited longer than I should have to look at the test. When I went back into the bathroom, there was a very light line on the wondfo that was probably an evap. I tested with a FRER to be sure, and it was definitely a BFN. I feel like such an idiot for getting excited about my temps and about a line that I knew immediately was probably an evap. line. I feel like my period could start at any time now, so we'll see how long it takes.

Great Mood Today

I didn't realize how ready I was for spring until we got this beautiful sunny 60 degree day today. It's amazing outside. We've got all of the windows open in the house, and the H and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. The warm sun, cool breeze, and time outside made me realize how desperate I am for spring. Unfortunately, the forecast is currently calling for snow again on Wed and Thurs, but today, I'm just enjoying this spring-like weather and the good mood it's put me in!