Post-Op

I had my post-op appointment with my obgyn yesterday. All he did was check my incisions and send me for blood work, which was pretty much what I was expecting. We talked about the endometriosis and he said that there were adhesions on my right ovary that was pulling it backwards. The doctor who performed the surgery removed it and that seemed to be the extent of it in her report, so hopefully it was all taken care of.
He also said that we can start ttc again after my next period. I mentioned that the doctor who did the surgery told me to wait 3 months and he didn't seem to think that was necessary. I don't know if we'll start again right away next cycle, though. What I'd really like to do is wait to have one *hopefully* normal cycle and then start trying the following cycle. Hopefully that will be in August. Overall, it was a good appointment.

I got more good news today when he called to say that my betas were 107. He told me that as long as they were under 200, we won't have to do any more bloodwork. Thank God because my arm is bruised and the phlebotomist yesterday commented on the scar tissue that's forming from all of the needles. As long as I get a period within the next 5 weeks or so, I shouldn't have to have any more blood drawn...for a while, at least.

Ten Good Things

With all of the negative emotions I've been feeling lately, I decided to make a list 10 good things that are happening in my life right now.

1. I have an amazing husband who has really stepped up to the plate this week. He's taken great care of me, done the grocery shopping, cooked dinner, done laundry, etc. Normally I do most things around the house, but he's been awesome this week. I'm a lucky girl.
2. I'm on summer vacation, so I only had to take one day off from work after my surgery. I can't even describe how lucky I am that the timing of things worked out that way. I probably would've had to take this entire week off if we were still in school, so it's been great to be able to rest at home without worrying about that.
3. There hopefully wasn't any permanent damage done by the ectopic. I still have my ovary and fallopian tube, so that's good news and I'm thankful for that.
4. I have a beautiful deck that my husband and I worked very hard to build. It's perfect for morning coffee.

5. I got my new contract at work last week and I got about a 5% raise. It's going to be nice to have some extra money in my paychecks starting in August.
6. My husband will be on vacation with me for the first two weeks of July. We're planning some day/over night trips to places around New England. Right now we're planning on a trip to Provincetown (Cape Cod) and down to Mystic, CT. I'd also like to stop at one of the casinos while we're in CT. I'm also planning on trying to do lots of wine tastings over those two weeks at some new wineries as well as our old favorites.
7. I just recently found out that MA requires health insurance companies to offer coverage for fertility testing/treatments. Since I'll likely be headed down that road in the near future, it's nice to know that I won't have to pay for everything completely out of pocket.
8. I have great friends who have shown a lot of care and concern for me. One of them even Googled what kind of surgery I had when I texted to tell her I'd had the ectopic removed. I thought it was sweet that she cared so much about the procedure I'd had done.
9. Next Thursday, the 27th,  is our 5th wedding anniversary and we'll be celebrating by going to a Red Sox game.
10. The weather has been beautiful. It's been warm with almost no humidity and it's the perfect weather to have the windows open. We haven't really even needed the a/c. Perfect end of spring/start of summer weather in New England.

Surgery

Most of the day Saturday, I was having a dull pain on my right side, so when I woke up Sunday morning and still had the pain, I decided to go to the ER rather than going to the lab to get my blood drawn again. While I was there, they drew more blood and did another ultrasound. My betas were 3600, so again, not doubling, and they found a mass near my left ovary.  The on-call OB was called in and decided that she wanted to operate to remove the ectopic pregnancy.

The surgery lasted about an hour and a half and she was thankfully able to save my fallopian tube, which we weren't sure she would be able to. Overall, it went well, but she did discover that I have endometriosis which could be why it's taken me so long to get pregnant. I'll have a follow-up appointment next week with my doctor and we'll talk about the endo at that point.

We have to avoid getting pregnant for three months, which sucks, but I need to make sure I'm giving my body plenty of time to heal. At this point, I'm just ready to move on from the awful ride I've been on.

*Edited to fix spelling mistakes.*

Latest Update

As of Monday, my betas had tripled (500 to 1500), so the doctor scheduled an ultrasound for Wednesday. During the ultrasound, they were unable to see anything in my uterus. The doctor is now concerned that it may be an ectopic pregnancy. I went for more bloodwork yesterday and will go again tomorrow to see what my betas are doing. If they're still rising normally, I'll have another ultrasound next week. If not, we'll treat it as an ectopic pregnancy.

I'm sad, confused, and just ready for this to be over. I know in my heart I don't have a healthy pregnancy at this point, so I just want to be able to move on.

Rollercoaster

I went to my doctor's appointment on Wednesday fully expecting to confirm that I had miscarried. I was sent for bloodwork to check my betas and when they called yesterday, I was told my hcg was 329.8. That's really low for being 6 weeks pregnant, so I figured that just confirmed the miscarriage. I went back again this morning for bloodwork to see if the betas were going up or down, and they went up. I'm now at 500. They didn't double in the 48 hours, but the numbers definitely went up more than we expected them to. The doctor basically told me that it's unlikely I have a viable pregnancy, but I'm going back for betas on Monday to see if the numbers are still going up.

The most upsetting part about this is the glimmer of hope I have that I didn't have before. I was convinced that I had miscarried and was ready to move on. Now, I'm in limbo with my betas going up, but knowing that the pregnancy will likely end in miscarriage at some point.

I hate this.

Today is about me

I got up this morning and decided that I'm going to do whatever I want today. It's 90 degrees outside, so I went and laid out on my deck for a while earlier to just listen to music and enjoy the sun. Then, I went and got a much needed hair cut. Later, my H and I will be going out to dinner and then for a walk on a beach that I've been trying to drag him to for the 11 years we've been together. He's not a beach person, so I couldn't get him to agree to go with me during the day, but we'll go a little later when the sun isn't so hot. I can't wait.

Unfortunately, the hairdresser I saw today was trying to make small talk and asked if I have children. When I said no, she asked if I want any. I gave her my go-to response of, "Yeah, some day," but it was like a punch in the gut. Ugh.

Truthfully, I'm feeling better and better every day. The bleeding has stopped, I think, but I'm still getting positive pregnancy tests. I need to call the doctor on Monday to cancel my appointment for Friday and try to schedule something for earlier in the week so they can confirm the miscarriage. I'm really hoping they can get me in after work so that I don't have to take more time out of work. My coworkers were already concerned about me because I never take time off and then I left early one day (when I confirmed the pregnancy) and called out a few days later (when the bleeding started). 

But...anyway....today is my day to relax and enjoy myself and it's been great so far.

I guess I was right

I had a bad feeling about my pregnancy for several days and wasn't really able to get excited. Then, I woke up this morning with cramps and heavy bleeding.  It's clear that I'm no longer pregnant. I'm devastated, but I'm not shocked. I kept hoping that this would be it for us, but never really felt confident. On to cycle 12, I guess...