Double Digits

With my period starting yesterday, we're now on our 10th cycle TTC. I honestly never thought it would take this long. Who does, though? Being in the double digits is a little depressing, but we'll just keep doing what we're doing. I have no intention of talking to the doctor until my annual appointment in September, so I still feel like we've got a lot of time until we get to that point.

Sixteen Years

Sixteen years ago today was the worst day of my life, to date. My mom passed away on March 15, 1997.  She suffered a stroke on March 8th and never regained consciousness. She spent the week in the hospital, and passed away on the 15th. It was all completely unexpected and my world was turned upside down.

It's crazy to me that it's been as long as it has. I mean, it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, it doesn't seem possible that it's been 16 years. I only had her in my life for 14.5 years and every year now I'm reminded that she's been gone longer than I had her with me.  It doesn't seem fair, but of course, life's not always fair. I just play the hand I'm dealt and keep living my life as best I can.

Getting my head on straight

My husband brought to my attention the other night that I had become beyond obsessed with ttc. I don't think I realized how obsessed I actually was until we got into an argument about it on Sunday. My goal this week (and going forward) has been to take a few steps back.

My H and I started going back to the gym again this week after about a month of being lazy, so I'm feeling really good about that. We've actually been meeting there after work and even went after dinner last night which is unheard of for us. Usually we go before work, but it's been nice going together when we're not under the time constraints that we are in the morning. It's also been nice to get out of the house in the evening and shake up our usual routine.

I also took an internet break from Mon-Wed. I'm sitting home alone tonight, so I figured I'd hop on here and write this post, but I'm limiting my internet time and will probably be avoiding The Bump for a while. I need to focus my attention on other things and enjoy my day to day life without constantly thinking about babies and trying to have one.

I have such a great life and an amazing husband, and I need to make sure I'm appreciating everything that I have.

"Drink some wine 'til we get drunk"

"Crush" is one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs. It's been the song that the H and I consider "our song" since we first started dating back in 2002. H is a huge DMB fan and has converted me over the years, so when I found a Dave Matthews wine at the store tonight, I was intrigued. I was looking for a new red blend to try, and I found Dreaming Tree Crush. I decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. It's really good.

Last chance for 2013

Well, today is CD 1 of cycle 9 and it'll be our last chance for a 2013 due date. If I get KU this cycle, the EDD would be the first week of December, so if it doesn't work out, we likely won't have a baby in 2013. It makes me sad because I thought for sure we'd have a baby during the holidays this year, but now Thanksgiving is out and who knows if we'll have a baby by Christmas?

I know that we've been trying for less than a year and way less than a lot of people, but this cycle is hitting my hard. I think part of the problem is that I woke up at 3am with some serious cramps and hardly fell back to sleep after that. I need to get a good night's sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow in a better mood.

It's going to be worth it.

I saw this on Pinterest today and it really stood out to me. Of course, I related it to ttc. Clearly, this process isn't going to be easy for me (I'm pretty sure cycle 9 will be starting today or tomorrow), but I know it'll all be worth it in the end. I may need to get myself a sign like this to put in my house somewhere as a reminder.

Feeling accomplished

Being a teacher, I get a few vacations a year. It's nice to have time off (Lord knows I need it!), but I tend to get really bored sitting at home by myself for several days in a row. I always try to come up with some kind of project to do during my time off because otherwise, I end up just going out and spending money. This week, I decided I'd give my whole house a deep cleaning and do some reorganizing.

Yesterday, I cleaned my whole kitchen and dining room top to bottom. I washed cabinets, floors, trim, walls, curtains, etc. Today, I cleaned my whole living room, hallway, and entryway (again, floors, walls, trim, etc).  I also fixed the shelves in my lazy susan so I could reorganize my kitchen cabinets. I still have to tackle the bathroom and bedrooms, but I feel like I've gotten so much accomplished over the last two days!

It's been nice to keep myself busy because the 2WW can be tough if you've got too much time on your hands to sit and think. I'm on CD27, 9DPO today. My temp jumped this morning, higher than it typically is at 9DPO, so I took a HPT. It was negative, of course, but I'll probably test again tomorrow if my temp stays up. I'm trying not to get excited because one high temp doesn't mean anything, but it's hard. I guess we'll see how things go over the next few days. If I'm not KU, my period should show up in 3-4 days or so.