Today

Today is pretty tough. I should be celebrating being 12 weeks pregnant today and planning how we want to announce to everyone, but instead, I'm still at a point where I need to remind myself daily that I'm not pregnant anymore.

In addition to that, yesterday was my EDD for my first lost. I should have a one year old this week, but instead, I'm sitting here still childless and recovering from another loss.

I'm trying really hard to be positive and to be thankful for all of the good things in my life, but it's not easy. This loss has been really difficult physically and emotionally, and I'm still having a hard time moving forward.

D&C

Today, I had my D&C. I arrived at the surgery center around 6:45am, and they brought me into the OR around 8:20. My aunt is a nurse there, so she waited with my H and me before hand, and she stayed in the OR with me until I fell asleep.

There wasn't much tissue left in my uterus, so the doctor isn't sure if we'll get any results from the genetic testing. I had a ton of pain and passed a lot of tissue last Friday, so I figured we wouldn't be able to get any answers after the D&C.

I was sent home around 9:30, and I have been feeling pretty good since then. I'm starting to get a little crampy again, but the pain medication is definitely helping. I'm hoping to be able to go to work tomorrow, but for now, I'm really just playing it by ear because I don't know how I'll feel.

Emotionally, I'm doing ok. Some moments are more difficult than others, but I've had almost a week to process everything, so I'm just at the point where I'm ready to move on.

It's Over

Two weeks ago, on New Year's Day, I had some bleeding. I had an ultrasound the next day (my second) and the baby measured right on track with a strong heartbeat. Then, yesterday, I should've been 10 weeks, and I started bleeding again, but this time there were awful cramps. I had to wait all day to get into my doctor's office, and then they couldn't get me in for an ultrasound until 9:30pm at the hospital, but at 10:00 last night I found out that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks and has no heartbeat. I'm home from work again today waiting to hear from my doctor about scheduling a D&C.

Right now, I'm not sure what to feel. I'm devastated. We saw the heartbeat twice. We felt confident. We told people who now we have to untell and I'm sick to my stomach about it. I'm angry about how unfair this all is. I'm stressed thinking about going through fertility treatments again.

We have a heartbeat!

I had my first ultrasound appointment with my RE today. I was a nervous wreck going in, but as soon as she got started, we saw the baby and the heartbeat. She didn't tell us the bpm, but she said it was strong. I couldn't help but start to cry when we saw that little flicker. The baby measured 6w6d which is exactly on target for where I am based on my cycle.

After the ultrasound, I officially graduated from my RE and was told to call my OB when I got home. I did, and I have my first OB appointment on Friday. Eek! I can hardly believe it.

I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but today was a huge step in the right direction.

3rd Betas

Today I had more blood drawn. My betas came back at 2500. In my head, I thought it should be closer to 3000, but the nurse said it's a very appropriate number. After some googling, it seems like maybe hcg starts to take to take a little longer to double after it reaches 1200-1500. That made me feel better about today's number.

My ultrasound is schedule for 12/23, so now I've got just about two more weeks of waiting until I know for sure how things are going.

Second Betas

Today, I'm 4w2d, and I went in for my second round of blood work. My betas were 530, so it more than doubled in 48 hours! My progesterone was 62, so I can stop taking the supplements. I'll go in next week for another blood draw, and then I'll hopefully have an ultrasound the following week. After that, I'll hopefully be released to my OB. We've cleared the first and second hurdles, so here's hoping things continue to go well.

IUI #2 Worked!

Last Friday, at 9dpo, I got a squinter of a BFP. I was nervous because it was so early, and I thought it might be residual from my trigger (I was 11 days past trigger). The lines got darker, though, and today, my betas came back at 202. My BFP was so much earlier this time, and my betas are so much higher, so I'm feeling hopeful. I go back on Friday to make sure the numbers are doubling.



I'm a nervous wreck, but today, I'm pregnant. My EDD is 8/12/15.