Cycle 11

Cycle 11 started today. I can't believe we're as close as we are to the 1 year mark.

Another day to remember

Yesterday will come to be another date that our country will memorialize year after year. Patriots Day and Marathon Monday in Massachusetts will never be the same again. Similar to 9/11, it'll be a day when many of us, especially those of us in and around Boston, will remember where we were when we heard the news. I was outside staining my deck and had sports talk radio on because the Red Sox game had just ended. When they started to provide information about what was happening at the marathon finish line, I started to feel sick. Derek was in Boston at work. Luckily, his office isn't near the Copley/Kenmore area, but I was still worried about him being stuck in the city and not being able to get home. I called him and he hadn't heard anything about it yet, so he got off the phone to tell his coworkers so they could start to try to contact their coworkers who were runners and spectators. Then, we tried to call each other a few more times, but his cell service wasn't working well. That started to scare me because it was so reminiscent of 9/11. This event was not the same as the attacks on NYC and the Pentagon, but on a day like that, it's hard not to let your mind go in that direction. Derek finally left work at about 4:30 (1.5 hours after it all happened) and got home relatively quickly.

Once he was home, all we could talk about was how we were there near the finish line on Patriots Day last year. We went to to the Sox game and then lingered around to watch the runners for a while. There were so many people there, I can't imagine the chaos in that area yesterday. We also talked about the rolling rallys our teams have when they win championships. We went to the Bruins' parade in 2011 and they said that over a million people came into Boston that day. It seems to me that an event like that could just as easily be a target for an attack, and that's something that never crossed my mind before. I hate that this person/people have succeeded in causing the fear they were intending to cause. I hate that this is another day we need to remember and that it'll change some of the most special events in Boston.

Jealousy sucks

I just found out that one of my friends is pregnant and due at the end of October. It's the third pregnancy announcement of a close friend since we've been TTC and it just gets harder to hear. She went off BCPs in December and she's now 9 weeks along, so she got KU on her second or third cycle off birth control. I'm having a hard time even being excited for her because I'm so jealous and that sucks. I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it. Hopefully I'm able to get past this quickly so that I can be ready to congratulate her and hear all about her pregnancy the next time I see her, but I'm feeling pretty down tonight.

Double Digits

With my period starting yesterday, we're now on our 10th cycle TTC. I honestly never thought it would take this long. Who does, though? Being in the double digits is a little depressing, but we'll just keep doing what we're doing. I have no intention of talking to the doctor until my annual appointment in September, so I still feel like we've got a lot of time until we get to that point.

Sixteen Years

Sixteen years ago today was the worst day of my life, to date. My mom passed away on March 15, 1997.  She suffered a stroke on March 8th and never regained consciousness. She spent the week in the hospital, and passed away on the 15th. It was all completely unexpected and my world was turned upside down.

It's crazy to me that it's been as long as it has. I mean, it seems like a lifetime ago, but at the same time, it doesn't seem possible that it's been 16 years. I only had her in my life for 14.5 years and every year now I'm reminded that she's been gone longer than I had her with me.  It doesn't seem fair, but of course, life's not always fair. I just play the hand I'm dealt and keep living my life as best I can.

Getting my head on straight

My husband brought to my attention the other night that I had become beyond obsessed with ttc. I don't think I realized how obsessed I actually was until we got into an argument about it on Sunday. My goal this week (and going forward) has been to take a few steps back.

My H and I started going back to the gym again this week after about a month of being lazy, so I'm feeling really good about that. We've actually been meeting there after work and even went after dinner last night which is unheard of for us. Usually we go before work, but it's been nice going together when we're not under the time constraints that we are in the morning. It's also been nice to get out of the house in the evening and shake up our usual routine.

I also took an internet break from Mon-Wed. I'm sitting home alone tonight, so I figured I'd hop on here and write this post, but I'm limiting my internet time and will probably be avoiding The Bump for a while. I need to focus my attention on other things and enjoy my day to day life without constantly thinking about babies and trying to have one.

I have such a great life and an amazing husband, and I need to make sure I'm appreciating everything that I have.

"Drink some wine 'til we get drunk"

"Crush" is one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs. It's been the song that the H and I consider "our song" since we first started dating back in 2002. H is a huge DMB fan and has converted me over the years, so when I found a Dave Matthews wine at the store tonight, I was intrigued. I was looking for a new red blend to try, and I found Dreaming Tree Crush. I decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. It's really good.