Cycle 19

As I expected, my "pretty" chart meant nothing. My period started yesterday, right on time, and I'm now on cycle 19 (8 TTCAL). It's hard to believe we've been at this for as long as we have.

Triphasic

Implantation Signs: Possibly Triphasic on Day 22. Thanks, Fertility Friend. How the heck am I supposed to remain calm during my LP when this is the notification you gave me when I input this morning's temp? I'm fully aware that pretty charts mean nothing, but finally getting that elusive triphasic pattern after 18 months TTC is hard to ignore.  Even with the BFN I got this morning, my hopes are up, and I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for disappointment. :(

One year ago

A year ago today I started this blog. We were on month 6, cycle 7 of TTC and I was starting to feel frustrated with the process. I decided to start this blog so that I'd have a place to vent my frustrations. A year ago, I never would've expected that we'd still be TTC at this point. I guess no one expects to struggle to try to have a baby.

Cycle update:

I ovulated on CD 15 which was 3 days ago. We ended up with -5, -3, and -2 for timing. Not the greatest, but not bad either. Now, I'm having some pretty bad cramps and lower back pain. Hopefully this doesn't continue until my period starts.

Hercules

Almost a year ago, I wrote a blog post similar to this one about Nemo. This storm, Hercules, wasn't nearly as bad, but we did get around a foot of snow and are planning to stay bundled up in the house for the day. Just like with Nemo, the timing worked out perfectly with a +OPK this morning. What TTCer doesn't want to be snowed in with her hubby when it's her FW? :)  We've had decent timing so far, but I'm hoping he's up for some more sexy time today. Fingers crossed.

Here are a couple of snow pictures for your viewing pleasure.

6 Months Ago (yesterday)

Yesterday marked six months since my surgery. We knew early on that my pregnancy probably wasn't going to last, but after a roller coaster of a month, June 16th was the day that it was officially over. It's hard to believe that was six months ago. I remember it so vividly. Driving myself to the hospital. Sitting in the ER and watching shows like Duck Dynasty for 3 hours before being told I needed surgery. Waiting for my H and it feeling like an eternity before he got there. Being freezing in the pre-op/recovery area while waiting for an OR to become available. The nurse telling me to think happy thoughts while I was being put under the anesthesia. Waking up and crying (for the first time that day) when talking to the nurse about my healing time. It's all so fresh in my mind. It's a day I'll never forget, I'm sure.

My period will likely show up by the end of the week, and I'm pretty upset about it. By cycle 11 in April, I had lost hope of getting pregnant on my own. Then, I did. After the loss, I was hopeful that we'd be able to get pregnant again and that it would be normal. Now, 6 months later, I'm not so sure. I bought into the idea that you're more fertile 6 months after a loss (and 6 months after laparoscopic surgery). Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be the case for me. Why would it be? I wish the holidays made it easier to deal with these feelings, but it just makes it worse.

Date Day

Once again, TTC has started to take its toll on my H and me, so today we had a much needed date day. A local winery had a holiday open house, so when H saw the email, he said we should go.

They had free mulled wine, appetizers, hot cocoa, and a fire outside for making s'mores. It was pretty awesome! We did a wine tasting and munched on some appetizers, but then we realized we were pretty hungry, so we sat down in their café and had some flat bread pizzas for lunch. They were so yummy!

We both had a really great time and will definitely be going again next year.

Here's a picture I took from our lunch table:

So cozy!

I'm back

I started having computer issues last month, so I wasn't able to keep up with the Capture Your Grief project. I took a few more of the pictures, but then I gave up when I wasn't able to blog about them. My computer seems to be fixed now, so here I am.

There's not much to update about, but I'm on CD 18 of cycle 16 (5 ttcal). I'm pretty sure I ovulated two days ago, so I should get those CHs tomorrow. Here's my chart in case you're curious.

My Ovulation Chart

 

 

After I get CHs, I'll probably stop temping for the rest of the cycle. I had a hard time remembering to temp at the beginning of this cycle and I think I need to give myself a break for at least a couple weeks.

 

FX this cycle is it for us so that I can stop temping permanently. Honestly, I'm not sure how much more of this whole process my H and I can take.